Not Quite Love and Light

New Stuffs

2011-05-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

Good grief it has been a while. So many things....

I am planning a book.

I am in a very stable and loving relationship with a man who was worth waiting for, and there are days I wish I had waited.

New city, new job, new house....

Fewer but better friends than some I used to know.

Still haunted by the thoughts of some of the old friends and family from darker days, but thats ok.

A week

2009-08-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

It has been a long strange week. The pain and loss of a person I had never met has colored so much of my life this week.

The near loss of a dear friend has shaken me in ways I did not think possible.

I need sleep.

I need knowledge that I do not, nor likely ever will have.

I need to be ... just be for a little while.

Near Miss

2009-08-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

So last night a dear friend, whom I also love greatly, had a near miss.

His girl went to talk to her ex. To get things squared away before she and my friend continued their talks of marriage. They had already moved in together and were building a life.

I guess the ex didnt like that. So he shot her in the head and set his house on fire. Then, from her phone he starting txting break up messages to my friend.

He and I talked on the phone as he was packing a few things to go stay at his old place for the night. He got back to his place safe and sound and while he was upset with her ... he planned on having a talk with her today after work.

That of course didnt happen. In fact, the crazy ex went looking for my friend and burned her house down too. I thank the gods that he was not home but safely in his bed at the old place.

The light in this is that the crazy ex is also dead. He took his own life after calling the police.

I got the call this morning from him that she was dead ... that he had lost nearly everything. I hope though that he can hold on to the fact that he is alive. That he has friends and that he is loved.

"Love and light and hope for thee,
Now and ever my wish shall be."

New Things

2009-02-17T06:36:00.000-08:00

Well alot has happened over the last few months which is why I have been so quiet.

First off I am single. Alan/Reaz and I ended our relationship at the first of the year. This happened for several reasons and was a long time coming.

I am now studying with a Druid Grove here in Columbus. I must say I really enjoy the people and the seriousness with which they take their commitment to their path. I am also grateful for the humor they bring with them. It is a very nice balance. I could have a home here in the Grove, and that is very attractive to me right now.

I am also living with my heart sister and her husband, who is slowly working his way toward becoming a heart brother in earnest. I have not had friends with the kind of faith in me that these two show in a very long time. I have missed it.

Slowly but surely I am finding myself again. I am finding my passion for life and the love for myself that I had misplaced. I have to say the year really is off to a great start.

Love and Light, Stand and Fight

Kuan Yin and Mael Duin Part One

2008-11-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

I was loaned a book on Kuan Yin by a friend of mine. The author listed the 33 aspects of this Goddess. I immediately saw parallels with Mael Duin's journey through the Celtic underworld and the 33 islands that make up that plane.

What I propose to do over the course of the next few posts is to show the correlations between these two sets of mythology. I also hope to bring to light how to use these aspects of Kuan Yin to help learn and incorporate the lessons of Mael Duin's Underworld journey in daily life and spirituality.

I also made another discovery in researching these correlations, that being the list of 33 can be broken down into 11 sets of three aspects and islands. Each of these triplets holds an aspect from each of the Three Cauldrons from Celtic Spirituality. I hope to give a list of these later on.

At any rate, here is the first of the 11 triplets of correspondences.

The first of Kuan Yin's aspects is Power. Mael Duin's first stop on his journey is an island inhabited by enormous ants. Ants are a perfect symbol for power, power in numbers as well as personal power. The ant can lift over 40 times it's own weight and when you get great numbers of them working toward the same goal they can do amazing things.

Kuan Yin also has Clarification as one of her aspects. Clarification is reflected in the second island Mael Duin visits on his journey. The island's only inhabitants are Great Birds. One of the best ways to get clarification is to get a better perspective on a situation. The birds on this island fly to greater heights than any birds any of the crew have ever seen. Imagine the truly amazing perspective you could get if you could pull back to “a great height” to see your problems. Imagine the clarification that could bring.

Kuan Yin's third aspect is Harmony. Part of harmony is having the power to do damage but choosing not to use it. This is shown on the third island which Mael Duin visits. There are great, meaning giant, horses here with claws sharp enough to flay a man alive. These creatures though, secure in their strength and living in harmony choose to let the sailors pass through their lands unscathed.

I hope you have enjoyed this first installment. If you liked it leave a comment and I will continue to post them every couple of days until we are through the list.

Love and Light

All Comes Home to Roost

2008-10-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

Shadows fill the corners
of my world
Deep and dark
cool and calm
Alone too much
gentle tears
streaming and steaming
against hot cheeks
whispered questions
unheard
unanswered
but understood
varied thoughts
too many to name
slowly running
and rewinding
I remember sleep
and dreams
the playtime
of the soul
but now it is dark
time to come home
and the shadows
are deep and full
in my mind

The Dragon Witch (For Ris)

2008-10-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a witch. Not just any witch, but a good and kind witch. She was beautiful to behold. The towns folks however, did not know how to tell a good witch from a bad witch. One night they attacked her. She turned herself invisible and escaped!

She got really angry. But, being a good witch would not curse the towns folk. Instead she set off in search of a dragon to serve who would protect her. Now she knew that normally dragons prefer princesses but she figured she had a few assets she could bring to the table. For instance, it didn't take her an hour to do her hair in the morning, and she really didn't care if she broke a nail. The big bonus was that she could read and use magic.

She had heard that there was a dragon that lived in the mountain to the north. She decided that this might be the best place to start. So, off she went in search of her dragon.

There were many skirmishes with nasty little creatures off all sorts along the way. She was pleased that she could dispatch them so easily. A few she blew up just because that was always fun. A couple she turned to stone. They looked very nice in the morning sunlight. One she turned into a crow.

He followed her after that, thinking she must be a goddess to have had such power over his body. She decided to let the little goblin crow come along. She did need a familiar after all, the dragon might not take her seriously without one. He was also very smart! He understood her tongue and showed her where things were and which were the best paths to take. In return, she made sure he was safe from the other creatures of the world.

After three days of the two traveling together they finally reached the mountain. The witch looked up the side of it and realized just how big it was. She asked the little goblin crow to fly up and see if he could find a cave that might be big enough for a dragon. He was glad to do so. He was a goblin and loved mountains after
all.

He flew up the side searching for an opening big enough for a dragon. While he did not find a door that seemed the right size, he did see runes marking the stones that said one lived there. So, back down he flew to tell the witch. She was very pleased at what the goblin crow had found and gave him some berries from her pouch, which he gobbled right up.

They found a cave entrance big enough for her to walk through with him sitting on her shoulder. He was not used to flying after all and it still made him tired. Down the winding passages they trod looking and listening for signs of a dragon.

After a few hours, they began to hear all manner of strange sounds. Squawking and snapping, thumping and crashing. If there was a dragon here, he might not be in the mood to receive visitors, but the witch was determined.

They walked on and the sounds became louder and louder. They finally rounded a corner and to both their surprise they found not one dragon, but three. Three baby dragons ran about fighting and brawling with each other. Both the witch and the goblin crow cocked their heads to the side and then looked at each other. This was not what either had expected. Then at the same moment they realized that it had grown very quiet.

The three little dragons had stopped playing to stare at the strangers. They took turns looking from the strangers to one another. Finally one asked who they were. The witch smiled and introduced herself and her little friend. She also told them the story of how she came searching for a great dragon that she could serve, while he protected her.

The little dragons hung their heads and shook them sadly. There were no big dragons here. A knight had come. They were all alone. The witch shook her head too and the goblin crow thought the whole matter sounded about right. That is what knights did after all.

So after much talking together and thinking on the matter, the five came up with an idea. It was a wonderful idea as far as any of them were concerned. The witch knew magic, so she could cast all manner of spells. The little goblin knew the mountain and all the pathways on it. He also has really good eyes now. The little dragons could make all manner of noise and would very soon be rather larger than they were at the moment.

So they decided to pull all their talents together and live there and protect each other. So what if there was no a big dragon around, between them all they could make sure the world believed there was.

So they lived for many years in the safety and comfort of their mountain home.

The End

The Ghosts in the Back of My Head

2008-10-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

I just love the cascade of memory that happens sometimes. One thing leads to another in your mind and you find yourself thinking of people, places and times long past. Somethings should stay in the past.

I am having one of those cascades that brings me nothing but the fresh sting of loss. I had a community online at one time in a place called freei. Some folks who are a bit older will remember the days of dial up internet access and this wonderful group who offered it for free.

Anyway, we were quite a lively bunch. I met people face to face back then from this community. We talked on the phone and chatted every day. It was strange mix of conversation and role play that felt natural.

It was fun and fulfilling in an odd sort of way. If you don't get out much your online friends become very important. When you are sending care packages back and forth and meeting face to face ... forget about it.

Well I am still in contact with one of those folks from about 12 or 13 years ago. We got to talking about the good old days. That lead to the whole conversation about old friends we hadn't heard from in years and some we had. Not a bad way to spend a little time, if there aren't some real painful memories.

I have those. I had a friend there who was far more than that. We were both married though, and I refused to be a home wrecker. I took that better than he did. He went off his nut. He pulled all money out of he and his wife's account and started driving.

The police caught up with him about 4 hours later. He was at the state line. He didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. It was what they call a fugue state. It's brought on by being so torn your mind breaks rather than dealing with the choices placed before you.

I know all this because his wife was kind enough to inform me that I was the cause of all this drama.

so these are thoughts in my head today.

the veil has grown thin and ghosts of all manner are rising.

Universal Light Expo Columbus Ohio

2008-10-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

We went on an adventure with some dear friends, whom I consider to be pride mates, this weekend. We went to the Universal Light Expo. It was a very different kind of show for me.

There were many psychics of various kinds. I saw exactly none of them. This is not because I doubt their abilities so much as because I have too many gifted friends to give my time or money to anyone else.

What turned out to be the best of the showing there were the crystal and gem vendors. I love my rocks! I picked up a few. Some of them spoke to me directly and one spoke to my sister for me. Soooo, I have had to add a few earth friends to my huge rock family.

I think the most curious find for me was the green kyanite. I picked one up along with a new blue one. After the show we went to my sister's home to play with our finds. I found that with the blue kyanite in one hand and the green in the other, they set up an energy circut that is not only similar, but exactly like, working with a human partner. I highly recommend trying this, especially if you are working alone and need to raise energy.

I found a couple of pieces of brown selenite as well. These held in both hands do a different sort of thing. It feels as though together they they increase your ability to ground and center. This happens spontaneously without a conscious effort on my part. I think this might come in handy on a regular basis.

The white polished selenite I purchased was recommended by my sister. I took some aural and chakra centered damage recently. She thought that this stone might help me repair that damage. It does seem to stimulate the correct areas, though no description or listing of its abilities would suggest this. I guess this is just one of those things.

I also realized something about these sorts of gatherings, they are very draining. I am no slouch when it comes to personal warding. Let me tell you though, despite all the grounding and shielding, after four hours of walking around this place on Saturday, I am still wiped out today.

All in all though, it was a great time with fabulous friends. We made some very good finds. Spent quality time with each other and laughed bunches. Again I have to say I highly recommend it!

Love and Light

Moments and Insights

2008-10-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

I went to a very special event this past weekend. The first annual Earth Warriors Festival. I have been to a few pagan gatherings in the past. This one blew the others away!

The talent and presenters included Dragon Ritual Drummers, Wendy Rule and two friends M.R. Sellers and Dorothy Morrison. There many others, but I have to say these were the cream of the crop. I am partial though, I love Murv and Dorothy!

The first night was for presenters and staff and a few very lucky vendors. We all sat around the fire and talked and drank and talked some more. I have got say pagans are some very funny and insightful people. The stories told there were the seeds of jokes and pranks all weekend for those "in the know".

The second day vendors opened shops and workshops ensued. The traffic was a little slow early in the day but people were working and traveling. The staffers who were not busy and some of the talent too, would wander by and sit for a while to visit with the vendors. It was a relaxing day.

That night was something else though. There was a huge DRD concert. This is the first time I have danced around the fire with other women to the driving beats of a drums only group. It was a powerful and bonding experience for all who chose to dance. I was amazed at myself for getting up to dance, one of maybe 12 in front of a group of maybe 100. I am glad I did though!

After the concert, there was a drum circle offered elsewhere in the camp. I did not get to go to that as I was shanghied by pirates. Yes, pirates they vend pirate gear at these events. They are kind to their captives providing much singing and booze. Bless their black and wicked hearts, I think they killed my liver. It was a very fun way to go though.

Day three there were far more people. I did alot more business as a vendor. This is a good thing. I did not however get to join in any of the workshops or rituals. I am told the rits were amazing and moving. I did not mind this so much as I had near constant company at the vend tent. A very dear friend that I had lost touch with was in fact attending. We spent much of our time together catching up and reconnecting.

That night was the Wendy Rule concert. I am told she was wonderful. It really wasn't my kind of music so I kept the tent open and made quite a bit of money. Not only that but I also had the opportunity to have a healing session with my now sister. Later, her hubby gave me a knot breaking muscle aching back rub to die for. So I think I did well to skip the concert.

We spent the rest of the night that night, the last night, frolicking. Well, talking and drinking and drumming and dancing. A few of us chose to walk the labrynth that the fire spinners set up earlier in the day. That was a very calming experience.

The next morning was the tear it down and pack it up day. There were many tearful or nearly so goodbyes with friends old and new. My sister and I cemented our connection with a very simple ritual involving chocolate and a kiss. One of our dear friends left not to go home but to head off to his son's to meet his new grandaughter born Saturday. I think it speaks volumes that he chose to spend that extra day with us rather than hop the first flight out.

This was an amazing and awesome weekend. I know I have never felt the sense of community that I felt there. I mean it wasn't perfect, but it was close. I had these incredible moments with people, little flashes of insight into not only them but myself. I spent the weekend away from the world being the wise and intuitive creature that I am, but can not always be in the mundane world.

Everyone involved says that next year will be bigger and better. It might be bigger, but it will never get any better for me than this one. These were the first Earth Warriors and I was one of them. I was deeply honored to be there, to be a part of something that felt almost sacred from beginning to end.

LOve and Light, Stand and Fight

Welcome Old Ones

2008-09-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

Most folks around here know that I am a pagan. Some know what kind of path I gravitate toward, Wiccan. So I cast circle most of the time to do my work.

The way the circle works is that I set up a barriar between me and any negative energy or beings that might be floating about. Then, I send out requests and invitations for certain other positive beings to come assist with or act as witnesses to my workings.

A circle casting usually ends with the statement "Welcome Old Ones". Most folks assumes that the Old Ones are all those being you have just summoned, stirred or called to your circle. There is another school of thought though, of which I am a follower, that the Old Ones are not any of the previously mentioned invitees.

The thought on this follows along the these lines.

There have always been Gods and Goddesses out there from the begining of time. They are numerous and varied. Just like us they have certain interests and likes and dislikes. This being accepted as truth we can move on to the idea that some of them were more active in the past than they are now.

There are Gods and Goddesses who perfered the old times. They liked the primordial world better than this present time. They enjoyed helping the Neanderthal and early humans in their struggles. It would be a little more exciting. Those people would have had a closer tie to their Gods as their very survival depended on Them.

This time was before written word. There may be little statues somewhere or a cave painting or two, but the names of these Gods have been lost to time. They are the forgotten Gods and Goddesses of our world.

These beings of forgotten names and powers are the ones we are welcoming. They recognise the call for aid from that place deep in the recesses of our hearts and minds that is still primal. The place that screams, "I will survive at all costs!"

In deep meditation or deep dreaming, when the veil starts to thin you can sometimes make contact with an Old One, or rather they can make contact with you. Given that chance, remember their names and use them. Call to them directly and their attention and aid are swift and powerful.

How do I know these things you may ask? My mate and I have attracted the attention of an Old One. Nahnua, The Loiness, Woman Who Hunts, The Den Mother, and she is an awsome being. We honor her and she honors us.

One day I will tell the story of how we met. This is something She would like very much. Times are changing and She knows She will be needed again soon. This frightens me and fills me with wonder. Her message for us for the moment is to gather your Pride and keep them close. Words to live by!

Love and Light

The Heart of Zanesville

2008-09-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I read a blurb in a book about finding the heart of a place. I put that little bit of info away because there is really only one reason to find the heart of a city. That reason is to contact the Spirit of the City.

That doesn't sound like a bad thing at all does it? The trouble is that most of these beings are ignored by 99.9% of the folks who live in their domain. They are lonely. The problem comes when they have a friend or contact in the human world they tend to want them to stay in the city.

Now that doesn't mean you can't take a short trip or go on vacation. It does mean that you had better want to make your home there for a very long time. While being on good working terms with a Spirit of a given city can be a huge boost for every aspect of your life, it can cause extreme problems if you ever want to leave for good.

All of this has been much on my mind for a while. I was stalling. I was unsure if this city was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I didn't want issues if I decided to leave. I didn't want to hurt a being that was minding its' own business until I knocked on its' perverbial door. So time has gone by, until Sunday.

I figured out where the Heart was and I went there. I walked around for a while with Reaz. He took his camera and got some good shots of the place. It is a really nice spot. I certain area there really tugged at me.

It was a small square there that has a monument to those Police, Sheriffs, and Firefighters who have died in service to our town. They were warriors who fell defending the charges of the Spirit of the city. I too am a warrior in my own right and the daughter of a firefighter. It did not suprise me that this was the spot for introductions.

I had not planned to meditate there. I only thought to feel out the energy and get an idea of what this Spirit might be like. Almost as soon as I sat down my mind folded in on itself and I was adrift in a deep meditation. I called to the Spirit who was calling to me. She is a lovily creature.

I do not yet know her name. Spirits of any sort guard those very carefully. That information is for another day. Over time though, I think it will be given to me. For now I am content with the image of her. She looks Native American and peaceful. The wind was caught in her long blue black hair. She regarded me with a smile, small but genuine. We can work together, she and I.

Needless to say, I am not disappointed that I met her. I am glad I finally took that step. After all, fear profits a man (or woman) nothing.

Love and Light

Always Goodbye

2008-09-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

There are people in my life that it feels like I am saying goodbye to all the time.

I once had a brother. Not the flesh and blood kind, he was a soul brother. We connected in this sort of kinetic way. I was the light in his shadows and he was the shadow in my light. I think his shadowing of my heart is why we had our last break.

All Brett has ever wanted to do was die. I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. Once a month, like some weird kind of male PMS there was a suicide scare or a drug overdose scare. Hell I was just scared all the time.

After about four years of being scared for him, and one huge blow out about it, I stepped back. If you are not always a strong swimmer yourself, you can not save a drowning person without the risk of drowning right along with them.

In truth, I hoped my leaving and him wanting me back in his life would be motivation enough for him to save himself. He professed the deepest kind of love for me and I had hope. Hope fades though over time.

He did clean up for a while. We talked a bit, but with true addicts who try to do things themselves sobriety can be short lived. His was. So a long silence stretched out between us.

I used to hear from him every couple of months. I would write back. There would be a brief exchange and then I would ask the questions he couldn't or wouldn't answer.

I haven't heard from him since May. All of my attempts to contact him have come to nothing. I am beginning to think that he finally found his way off this rock.

I should be happy for him if he has. There was not much other than pain and disappointment for him here. I am a selfish creature though and while we haven't talked much I never stopped loving him, not for a moment.

So my heart is breaking a little in these wee hours when I can't sleep and he is nowhere to be found.

Love and Light Bro, I hope you have found what you were looking for.

Puppy Love

2008-09-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

My mother has two dogs, one of each sex. The male is fixed, but the female isn't. This got interesting yesterday.

The male discovered his sex drive. I did mention he was fixed? He should not have a sex drive. He was infact fixed before he had ever had sex, so he really just should not know about the whole tab A goes into slot B thing at all.

So it was funny for a while. He would hop on do a little jig for 10 seconds or so and then fall off. Disgusting? Yes!! Funny?? Absofrigginlutely!! For a while, it was histerical.

I heard this strange, panicked dog screeching coming from the female. I went to find her. They were stuck, and not in any normal position either. He had slipped off and gotten turned around. There they sat on the twin bed in my mother's room ass cheek to ass cheek.

The female is trying everything to get away from him. He looks miserable and a little ashamed. He is also standing stock still. What could I do? I called Alan to come help me get them turned around. So there we are thinking about how to approach this.

Finally I leaned across the bed and got a hold on the female's front legs. Alan climbed on the bed and was trying to get the male turned about the right way, and then.... the bed colapsed and the dogs were pulled apart. The female yelped, the male yelped, and to Alan's suprise I yelped.

Lets see I weigh 222 lbs. Alan weighs 225 lbs. The dogs weigh about 20 lbs. We figure the bed at 50 lbs. All of that weight landed on the arch of my right foot.

Sooooo the dogs got laid and I got laid up. How is that fair?

Love and Light

The Divine in the Real World

2008-08-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

Some folks think that it is no longer posible to have actual interaction with the Divine outside of meditation or dream work. They think that the Divine can not be seen or interacted with in the real waking world. I have to say through my own personal experience that this is not the case.

I have seen the face of the Greenman in the trees. Not only did that image last for several minutes but it was witnessed by another. The timing was also rather stunning in that I was wondering whether to bring a male energy back into my practice. I had been neglecting that for a couple of years and really only acknowleging the feminine.

This experience alone would not necessarily cause me to conclude that the Divine is still very active in the real waking world. Now the fact that an old and forgotten African Goddess first had me draw a portrait of her and then try my hand at sculpting for the first time kind of convinced me. The lack of focus and sleep until these things were done, the very real circles under my eyes, they did give me pause.

I have seen and communicated with the Fey. I don't mean in that place between sleeping and waking either. I mean wide awake, 6 inches from my face, it was looking at me and then a flash bright enough to leave spots and then it was gone.

I have heard a guardian spirit howl a warning. Oddly within a day a non-magick practioner had reported seeing it in her back yard. It was nice validation that what I heard had not been in my head, but the eccho was really all the proof I needed.

Some folks have asked me what's so special about me that I have these interactions. Well the answer is simple and not. I am open to having them. It does not scare me to see the Divine in my real life. I do not draw a line between my "magickal" time and the rest of my life. I found that many people do draw a line and I can not for the life of me figure out why. Your spirituality is what makes all this, this life, worth living. It is the aroma, flavor and color of our world. Frankly, in my opinion it is the main reason we are here in the first place.

Love and Light

Wisdom ?

2008-08-22T23:07:00.001-07:00

There are a few folks who have called me wise. This always makes me chuckle
because I make huge missteps in my life at times. The other night I decided
to look up the word wisdom in the dictionary.

Again I found myself chuckling as I read through the definition of the word.
Much of what it said just did not seem to fit. I decided to look up the word wise, just
to see if that would shed some light on things for me.

One line caught me, "to be aware". That is a powerful line. It is also the
one aspect that seems to fit with me and my own perceptions of myself.

I am aware; of myself and the world around me, of people and how they think and feel,
of the unseen and often unacknowledged. I am aware enough to be aware that most folks
choose not to be aware of much.

I have said for a long time now that I am awake, while sometimes it seems
that many in the world around me are sleeping. The word aware though, strikes
me as more to the point. Awareness implies choice and work. Any "sleeper"
might be awakened, acted upon, by some outside agent or incident.

Awareness, though, is a choice of the individual. It is the choice to remain aware,
awake, rather than drift back to the comfort of sleep and ignorance.

Awareness implies a willingness to learn and experience life in all it's
aspects, not just those that we think of as positive, but all of it. Even
pain, sorrow, and introspection which are hard and often ugly things are
part of being aware.

I realised as I was sitting there just how aware I am. I was taken aback by it.
I note exits when I am in a new place. I note people, faces, attitudes and groups.
I can feel the mood of the place and purposely open up to it. I watch body language.
I listen to the tones of voices. I watch for changes in both of those things.
I watch other traffic as I drive. I listen and feel as much as I can where ever I am.

I am also aware of my own body. Through subtle shifts, I know when my mood is about to change,
when a migraine is going to strike. Hell, I know within the hour when my moon cycle
is going to start.

I am aware of the unseen around me. I know when I am not alone, though my eyes would
have me believe otherwise. Energies fluctuate and I prick up and feel what is around me.

I am aware of my limits. More to the point I am aware that I am the one who places those
limits upon myself.

I suppose then if awareness is wisdom, I am wise.

There is a price for wisdom. That price is innocence. For, to be wise, to be aware, one must
be willing to experience. With experience comes the loss of innocence and the burden of
accountibility.

To be wise then is also to be accountable.

Love and Light

Why Lie?

2008-08-22T22:57:00.001-07:00

Some folks seem to have a hard time with this question. I don't know why though it seems obvious to me. I am going to try to explain what a lie is in my own view. To get at what makes a lie, first we need to agree on what is truth.

Truth is both objective and subjective. I know some think that it must be one or the other but that isn't so. There is an objective truth. We will most likely never see it though. The problem is individual perspective.

I may see an auto accident from one angle while you see it from another. Both of the drivers involved have their own perspectives as well. All four of these will likely be slightly if not wholly different. When we tell our view of what happened if all do not agree, are we lying? No we are not we are telling the truth from our own perspective. (at least we will assume no one is lying on purpose.) There is an objective truth as well as the subjective truth. We must try to wade through all the stories and then add any physical evidence to it to get to the truth.

There are different types of untruths that we deal with everyday. Are they all lies? No. We read fiction and watch made up stories in the theater or on TV. The creators are not liars, they are story tellers. We do not stigmatize them for telling us lies. We revere them for all the emotional out lets they provide. They teach us about the best and worst in mankind. They are the Bards and Shaman of our techno world.

So what is the difference between our bards and a liar? Intent. Telling a story with the intent to defraud somehow. Telling a lie in hopes of gaining something for the self only (or even for a nation) is what we can not tolerate. Why is it that these strings of words hurt us so. Why do folks choose to lie rather than tell the truth?

I know why some folks lie. They do it to gain respect, to gain funds, to be loved, to protect themselves and many other reasons to be sure. I think that it is hard to be lied to, not because it hurts us personally, but because it affects the way we see the world when the lie is uncovered.

Suddenly we doubt everything when we discover a lie. We ask questions like: What else did so-and-so lie about? Did thus-and-such know so-and-so was lying to me? Why didn't thus-and-such tell me it was a lie? Was any of it true? Who else has lied to me?

We become filled with doubt. We doubt our own instincts and intelligence. We also begin to doubt all those around us. Our world is shaken. It takes quite some time for most folks to let go of the large lies. Sometimes it takes even longer to let go of the more subtle, small lies. We spend our time watching and waiting for the next lie.

So a lie is something that alters our reality. A lie in a sense is magickal. With nothing but mere words we can change someone's world forever. I wonder if in knowing this it can stop us from lying. I know it has curbed my own natural tendency to lie.

I hope when you read this you will stop and think about the lies you have told. I hope that the next time a lie seems like an easy way out you will think twice about how much harm you can do with a few little, seemingly harmless words. I hope you will choose honesty.

40 Years and Counting

2008-08-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I am at 40 years and counting as of today. It has been a good half life for the most part. Oh, there have been challenges and changes to be sure. The last 18 months have been full of both, I must admit.

I have to say though, I am mostly happy. Happy with who I have chosen to become. I know it isn't popular to think that we choose to be who we are. It is easier and more convenient to claim that our circumstances make us who we are. I have never opted for easier and more convenient though.

I like accountability and responsibility. I like working with the powers that be, rather than for them. I would rather act than be acted upon. To be sure, I coast from time to time, we all do. For the most part though, I am the Leo I was born to be.

The next forty years will be better than the last to be sure. I won't waste the first 25 of them deciding who I want to be. I know who I am and who I want to be when I finally take flight from this rock.

I hope those who read this will take the lesson from it. I wish all those folks who would rather tear down the ones who work, the ones who have earned what they have, would take note. There are a few of us, a handful who know who we are and accept it. Know that we are strong, we are powerful, and we will not be put down.

(That last bit was for my sister in the craft and the spirit.One of these days Sis we need to do a Queening for me. Or maybe a Princessing... one Queen may be enough lol.)

Anyway I love some of you and like most of you. The rest just make me laugh! I will let you all decide who is who.

Love and Light

Spring

2008-03-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

Winter is about over and so is my hybernation. I know they say that some folks have some sort of seasonal disorder. I don't. I just get sluggish and cold.

Spring is on the way however and I am gearing back up. I am working on projects and coming out of a wierd revisiting of the past. It was year for looking back. At least for me it was.

The death of my father last winter really made this one even more challenging. I revisited memories and old thoughts. I even did a stint in my old religion of choice. Let sleeping Gods sleep I say. With the spring scent in the air I am back to those that listen and act and expect me to do likewise.

Love and Light

The Strong Survive

2007-10-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

It is funny, most folks want an easy, sweet life. I fail to understand the point of one of those. I mean there can't be any growth from that. There can't be many lessons learned.

I had a professor tell me once that "No one ever learned anything from getting a 100% on a test." I don't know about all that, but I do know about growing a garden.

I know that what I grow out in the wild earth, under the sun, with a little extra water tastes ten times better than what I buy in the store that was raised in a hot house. Do you know why? The plant that grows out in the wild is at the mercy of fate. It must grow stronger, and from that strength comes all the extra flavor, depth of color and wonderful smell. Compared to the these wild things, hot house plants seems flat.

The same can be said of people. Look at the pampered Celebs you see in the news. All is great and wonderful for them, yet they can not function in the world. They don't have the strength or depth of character to deal with what life throws at them. Basically they are flat.

We grow stronger when we struggle. We learn about ourselves and those around us through the adversities we face. Make no mistake, only the strong survive!

This was inspired by a friend who is facing some rather dramatic adversities in his life. I just wanted to remind him that there are no accidents, but there are tests, and he and his family have the strength to overcome.

Blessing to you and yours.

The Testing

2007-08-24T07:48:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel tested. I feel like the universe looks my way and decides it is time for me to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

The last couple of days has felt like a testing. So much has been going on. Illness in my family. Strange occurances surrounding money. Odd communications from a group of spiritual beings. I have stopped dreaming, or rather, I have stopped actively participating and remembering my dreams. My usual guides are eerily silent. This is always a good indication of a testing, at least for me.

I will do as ever.

Lightning Bugs and Butterflies

2007-07-31T10:29:00.000-07:00

I have been having quite a few encounters with these little creatures lately. It has led me to do some thinking about them and what they mean in my life right now.

Some folks know that I follow a path that includes signs and omens as well as totem animals. The sudden increase in interaction with new animals, or on this case bugs, always gets my attention.

Lightning bugs bring the energy of epiphany, a sudden knowing or insight. They also have the habit of allowing you to focus on things that have always been but have remained hidden in the darkness. I would say I have been having quite a few “Oh!” moments lately. I keep getting little bits of truth and wisdom about myself and the world around me. I would have to say this little bug is doing its job splendidly.

The Butterfly brings in the energy of a transformation toward beauty. I have been working on my physical body of late. I have a prayer that I say. One of the lines from that prayer says, “ A healthy priestess makes all things sound.” I was not healthy and I was not sound. I was and am considered morbidly obese. I have however been taking steps to correct this. I have, as of two days ago, lost a third of what I need to lose to be a healthy weight for me. I have to say to my surprise and without undo ego that I am actually getting pretty as I slim down. The best part though isn’t how I look, but rather, how I feel. I am transforming into something of beauty. Again, I have to say this little bug is certainly giving its share of blessings to me.

Sometimes little things really do matter. It pays to pay attention to them.

The Stagehand

2007-07-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a dear friend, Inde of Synchronicity of Indeterminacy. You will find that to be the only link in my sidebar. We were discussing how we helped each other years ago to become pretty popular bloggers. This brought up some interesting thoughts for me.

I am not a star but a stagehand. That has always been the case with me, even back in high school theater. I am the gal who makes sure the lighting is just right, the sound is perfect and the stage is set. This allows the stars to go out and shine. I think it is a really great situation for me.

Some would say it is odd behavior for a Leo. I don't think so. Leos love to share the spotlight. For me, the joy really comes when someone thanks me for helping them. They get to reach a goal, and I get to watch the fruits of their labor (and sometimes my own) ripen.

Is this an ego trip? No, I think it would be an ego trip if I were taking credit for the work they did. Is it some sort of co-dependency? Again, unless supporting someone with a dream and talent is co-dependent, I don't think so.

I think some folks are put here to be in the spotlight and some are meant to hold that light in place. I hold the light and I shine it brightly on those who will allow me to do so.

It is a good life, one filled with reward.

Things that matter

2007-07-30T07:47:00.001-07:00

Did you know that I crochet? Most people do not. I love to stitch my little knots and turn a ball of yarn into something useful. It makes me feel like I am building something in a world that revels in tearing down and burning up.

Did you know that knot magick is one of the oldest forms of magick? I do. I made myself a shawl over the weekend. It is long and warm and a deep dark navy blue. As I turned the stitches tying my little knots, I thought of comfort and security. I thought of peace and well-being. I also thought of my Reiki training that will be starting soon.

This shawl is now more than clothing, but a tool to use. In it I put all the right energies to help me with my studies during a really intensive training process.

Imagine what would happen if all the folks out there who crafted gifts for other put real intent into those gifts as they made them. A baby blanket “programmed” to help a child sleep. A wrap to help someone process life saving drugs more effectively. A book bag to help the student study better. A pillow case to help a loved one with insomnia fall to sleep.

It would be amazing the changes we would see. Thought is energy you know, and matter is made of energy, add a little thought to the matter and you get a gift that stands apart, something that serves a real purpose.

My Ghost Jar

2007-07-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have a jar I keep. It is filled with little white pebbles. On each of the pebbles is a symbol, a name and a date of death. This is my ghost jar. The jar isn’t what is special, of course neither are the pebbles.

When someone close to me dies, I find a little pebble and mark it with a symbol that reminds me of them. I add their name and the date they left this plane. I carry that little stone with me while I am hurting. When the pain and loss weigh me down, I carry it in that little stone. After a while, the stone weighs more than the pain. That is when I place the pebble in the jar, with all the others I have lost.

When I have a situation that seems overwhelming that my dad might have been able to deal with better than I, I take out his stone and carry it with me. It serves as a reminder that he taught me well. It reminds me that he showed me how to deal with this moment. It serves to remind me of the wisdom that he imparted to me.

Of course the magick isn’t in the stone. It is in me. It is part of who I am thanks to knowing and loving the person the pebble represents.

Just one more example of as above so below, as within so without. I carry these stones in my pocket as a reminder that I carry these memories and lessons of my departed in my heart.

Once Upon a Time...

2007-07-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

I thought that there was only one God.

I thought that good always won out.

I was afraid of my darker side.

I thought I would be married forever.

I thought that love was THE most important thing.

I believed I had a destiny.

I thought that friendships were easy.

I thought that forgivness was for the person being forgiven.

I thought that innocence was more valuable than wisdom.

I learned that all of these were misconceptions.

And I lived happily ever after.

Moonfire

2007-07-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Light the flames
set the blaze
Be the light
in darker days

Shadows fade
they grow thin
when you've made
a point to win

Dont despair
in the night
we will repair
and make it right

I am the flame
I am the blaze
I am the light
in my dark days

Back for more

2007-07-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

Been here done this. You know what they say about history repeating itself though. We shall see what becomes of this.