The Ghosts in the Back of My Head

I just love the cascade of memory that happens sometimes. One thing leads to another in your mind and you find yourself thinking of people, places and times long past. Somethings should stay in the past.

I am having one of those cascades that brings me nothing but the fresh sting of loss. I had a community online at one time in a place called freei. Some folks who are a bit older will remember the days of dial up internet access and this wonderful group who offered it for free.

Anyway, we were quite a lively bunch. I met people face to face back then from this community. We talked on the phone and chatted every day. It was strange mix of conversation and role play that felt natural.

It was fun and fulfilling in an odd sort of way. If you don't get out much your online friends become very important. When you are sending care packages back and forth and meeting face to face ... forget about it.

Well I am still in contact with one of those folks from about 12 or 13 years ago. We got to talking about the good old days. That lead to the whole conversation about old friends we hadn't heard from in years and some we had. Not a bad way to spend a little time, if there aren't some real painful memories.

I have those. I had a friend there who was far more than that. We were both married though, and I refused to be a home wrecker. I took that better than he did. He went off his nut. He pulled all money out of he and his wife's account and started driving.

The police caught up with him about 4 hours later. He was at the state line. He didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. It was what they call a fugue state. It's brought on by being so torn your mind breaks rather than dealing with the choices placed before you.

I know all this because his wife was kind enough to inform me that I was the cause of all this drama.

so these are thoughts in my head today.

the veil has grown thin and ghosts of all manner are rising.